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Volunteer
Reflections
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Tim Hoppe, Arusha, Tanzania, 18-03-2004
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Dear Assumptionists, AMAs, and friends of the
Assumptionists,
For those of you who do not know me, my name is Tim Hoppe
and I am an AMA volunteer working for the Assumptionists in Arusha,
Tanzania. I have lived
for the past seven months as a layperson at our house of formation
in Njiro teaching English, computers, anthropology, and peace studies
at the seminary our candidates attend. My relationship with the
Assumptionists is relatively young.
Last April, as a senior at College of the Holy Cross looking
to begin a life after college, one of our Chaplains introduced me
to Beth Fleming and in August I found my self-stepping off a plane
in Nairobi in route to my home with the Assumptionists in Arusha.
Now I am employed with the slightly overwhelming task of writing
a brief reflection on me experiences over the past seven months. |
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When I was a student at Holy Cross, I attended
a retreat sponsored by our Chaplain’s Office.
Though I am sure that at the time its overall impact was
profound and moving, today I can’t remember which retreat it was,
what message it endeavored to instill, or who led it.
It has been composted beyond recognition in the recesses
of my mind, contributing to the loam of now anonymous experiences
that fuel the growth of today’s fresh and currently conscious memories. |
| And yet, true to form,
the composted retreat has provided four words that today guide my
reflection on seven months as an AMA volunteer here in Arusha.
The words were a simple question to me: “How is your heart?”
Of course, the answer to this question is never simple
or straightforward. The
heart is a funny organ.
Many of the emotions it absorbs rest, much like a composted
memory, unannounced to us in its life-giving chambers.
We do not know what has penetrated our heart and have very
little control over what bubbles into our consciousness.
Such is the case as I reflect on my experience here.
I remember that when I first arrived in Arusha and perhaps
for my first five or six months, I worried about letting it, its
people, its places, its beauty, and its struggles into my heart.
I worried that I would remain detached or closed to protect
against becoming too planted here, or too jaded by its struggles
or knowledge of the causes of its struggles.
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| And yet, as I think about my experiences so far,
I see the absurdity of this worry.
In my many canceled drafts of this letter, so many contradicting
emotions have poured like a recently tapped wellspring from my heart
onto the page – joy and despair, uncertainty and adventure, hope
and disenchantment, connection and disconnection, success and failure.
It is fruitless trying to control which emotions will crop
up and tiring trying to make sense of them. |
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Our neighbour
in Arusha
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I am an AMA volunteer here in Arusha to live,
work, and learn. When
I leave here in July my work and volunteer experience will be
finished. I will have taught my courses and done my best to contribute
at least a little to the Assumptionists and the wider SMS community.
However only time will reveal the true impact of this experience
and the emotions it brings with it. Arusha, those with whom I
have worked and shared seven months of life have entered my heart
and mind. We have
shared struggles, dreams, stories, a few drinks, beautiful landscapes
and though I will be finished volunteering here, I suspect that
the impact we have had on each other will just be beginning to
break down into the stuff that will fill our hearts and fuel our
personal growth.
So, in response to the question, “How is my
heart?” I must take the easy road, at least for, now and say,
“I don’t know”. When
I think how quickly time has passed and how quickly my time here
will come to a close, I sometimes begin to question the marks
Arusha and I will leave on each other. When such questions pop
into mind I must remind myself that experience, people, places,
emotions work on us all in funny ways. I must remind myself that
I came here to serve, to volunteer for a year, but that after
one year the services this place and I will render each other
will be but sprouts in the compost of our experiences. It is only
over time, as the year’s experiences and emotions work their way
into out minds and hearts that the true services we will provide
to each other will begin to take hold – that the growth we will
inspire in each other will slowly mature into our lives.
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